This week has been really difficult for me. Not only am I constantly thinking about and worrying about my blood sugar, what I’m eating, how much insulin I need, or whether or not I have time to exercise, I’ve also been stressed to the max with my job. And to top it all off, even though I called Dexcom to order more sensors almost a month ago, I finished my last sensor this week and am still waiting for new ones to be delivered. It really feels like everything is going wrong, or that I’m doing everything wrong, and I’m trying really hard not to get discouraged. Running helps, but with work as crazy as it has been, I’m finding it harder to make time for that.
What I really want, and what I truly think I need, is a vacation. A whole week off where I don’t need to think about work, or grocery shopping or cleaning my apartment or counting carbs or remembering to give myself insulin and I can just relax. Preferably on a beach. I’m so lucky to have Sean, because I’d feel twice as overwhelmed if he wasn’t always there to calm me down.
I need to try to stay positive. While that’s easier said than done, I realized today that I can only do my best. I’m not perfect, and even though I might mess up, I know 100% that I’m doing better than I was a year ago. I know that my husband, my parents, my doctors and my friends are proud of my progress and that they’re all behind me while I figure out how to manage everything. I’m not going to see results overnight. Diabetes control doesn’t work like that. I have to make smart and healthy choices to stay ahead and continue to improve.
In the meantime, I’m going to stare at this picture I took from the last time I was in Cancun, almost 5 years ago. I will keep staring at it and imagine I’m still there.
I enjoyed reading your blog. As a diabetic myself, I too know the grind of every minute being consumed by thoughts of insulin, carbs, set changes and the importance of paying attention to how we feel. I’m proud of you for writing about it! It has a therapeutic element to it. Plus, personally I don’t know ANY other Type 1 diabetics. So it was interesting to hear your thoughts and see the efforts you go through – on a daily basis. Keep up your great work! I love you!!
-Chandra Salvatore (Your 1st Grade Teacher)