I had my monthly endo appointment yesterday and it was not good. My numbers were not good. I’ve been over 400 almost everyday for the last 3 weeks. It’s so discouraging. I mean I knew my sugars were going to be a little high. I’ve seen the readings on my sensor. I just didn’t think they were going to be that bad, and I don’t think Dr. Peters thought they were going to be that bad either. The main issue is that when my sugars are high and I administer a correction bolus it doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to, especially if my Blood Sugar is over 400. I need to not only correct, but check to make sure my correction is working one hour or two hours later. If not I need to use the syringe I carry around with my and give myself a correction that way.
I’m still working hard to bring my a1c down despite what my numbers look like. Work has been hectic to say the least and I hate using that as an excuse, but it’s totally valid. My schedule’s all over the place, my meals are all over the place, I’m all over the place. I need to take a step back and figure out why I’m apparently trying to sabotage my progress. It’s almost like I had such a great appointment last month that subconsciously I started reverting back to my old habits. Only I didn’t feel like I was reverting back to my old habits. I’m still bolusing, I’m still correcting, just not as much as I need to. It’s almost like I’m in denial every time my Blood Sugar hits 300+. I hate seeing those high numbers, I feel terrible and frustrated and like a complete failure when it doesn’t come down.
There are a few things I need to do to get back on track. First I’d really like to talk to a therapist so that I can try and break through this mental barrier that’s preventing me from taking full control over my disease. I’m making strides and almost there, but I still have a lot of work to do. I have no problem talking to someone. I used to meet with a therapist once a month in high school and it really helped me. I also am vowing to make full meal plans every week for the next month. If I know exactly what I’m eating I should know how many carbs to count for. I’m going grocery shopping after work today with my list of recipes and my husband (he keeps me on track!). I’m also going to talk to my boss about working on a more structured schedule. Not the same exact time everyday, obviously I need to be flexible, but if I can develop a routine that I think that will really help me.
At lunch today I decided to treat myself to a soda. I try not to buy too many at work but it was a beautiful day, I woke up and felt really good, got a lot done before I had to go to work and decided to splurge on a diet coke. I got excited when I saw an new option for Sprite Zero. Perfect! I love Diet Sprite Sprite Zero might be even better!
I feed the machine 75cents, grab my drink and head to the employee lounge to read my nook. 30 minutes go by while I read and sip and talk to my co-workers.
Once I get back to the golf shop, after I’ve already drank most of the can I realize that I haven’t been drinking Sprite Zero like I thought I was. I’ve been drinking regular old Sprite. I race to dump out the rest (still don’t understand the urgency to throw it away) and about 4 drops laugh as me as they go down the drain. I check my blood, 350 and shooting up, take a correction and drink an enormous cup of water.
I wish I could say this is the first time something like this has happened to me. I guess I’m so used to having only diet coke in my house or…. hitting the sprite zero button and assuming that that’s what I’m getting, that I don’t fully read what the coke can says.
Trick me once…
I hate it. I just wish that I didn’t have to keep diabetes in the back of my mind all the time. I would like a day off from testing and calculating and remembering blouses. I had the whole day off today. No plans all morning or afternoon. I had nothing until late this evening. This past weekend I had decided to go for an easy 4 mile run today. That’s 2 times around Cheviot Hills park. But I’d make it more interesting by riding my bike the 1.7 miles to the park, so roughly 3 miles. Nothing too outrageous. I planned to take breaks and stretch, I had my sensor to monitor my blood sugar, I brought glucose tablets and my iPhone. I was all set.
At around 10 this morning I make sure my bike tires are pumped, I check my blood- 236 and trending up. Perfect. I leave my pump on and head out the door.
The route to the park is tough. It’s mostly up hill and I adjust the gears a few times to help me get there, but overall the ride is nice and the wind feels good against my face. Once I get to the park I lock up my bike and check my sensor. 198 and trending down. Still good. I don’t want it too low before my run. I stretch for about 5 minutes and start out with a slow jog but I pick up the pace a bit as I go. My sensor doesn’t leave my hand and I check to make sure my BS is ok. It goes down to 184 and then 177 and by the time I’m done with my first loop it’s 154 and trending down quickly. I stop, stretch again and eat 4 glucose tablets. I wait about 10 minutes and it’s still trending down. Double arrows pointing down. It doesn’t look good.
Once I get to 132 I give up any hope for a second loop, unlock my bike and head home. My workout that I had been looking forward to all weekend was just cut short because of my stupid disease. The ride back is easier as it’s all downhill but scary. My sugar won’t slow down and I know that there is a 20 minute delay on the sensor so it could be even lower than what it’s registering at. Once I get into my apartment I’m at 106 and still going down. I drink about half of a small glass of regular soda and make egg beaters scrambled eggs with spinach (my fridge is hopelessly empty at the moment) about 30 minutes later it’s 260 and shooting up. I want to cry. After my shower I’m at 368. Today has been a roller coaster.
The past couple months have been completely insane at work. The first week of July I worked about 74 hours and now, every weekend there is another tournament or golf camp that leaves me feeling exhausted once I get home. I was really worried that this would reflect in my a1c. As hard as I try to eat the right things, when I’m running around and on my feet all day, I pretty much eat whatever I can, whenever I can. But in the few days that I have a break from work or the days I get to work a regular 8 hour shift, I make sure to plan my meals and exercise accordingly. I got this awesome cookbook that I absolutely love called the ‘Lower you Bloodsugar Bible’. It has some really great recipes and the carb information included with each one. I also get daily diabetic recipes from my sweet mother. At the beginning of the week (or on one of my rare days off) I’ll pick about 5 meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner and go to the grocery store to buy everything I need all at once. It’s really effective because I know I wont be rushing to the store every day and I know exactly what I’m having for dinner/breakfast every night of the week. I try and stick to meals that have between 20 and 30 grams of carbs. My favorites are crockpot meals that take almost no work.
I’m also trying to get some kind of cardio activity in every day. Even if it’s just swimming a few laps in the pool or going to the gym in my apartment before work. I love to run and I’m eager to try kickboxing. I haven’t had the time off in my schedule to go to a ballet lesson all month, but I can always pick it back up again once my schedule calms down. As long as I can carve out 30 minutes to an hour in my day to do something active, I know that my bloodsugar will stay pretty steady.
Last week I had my monthly appointment with my endo, and surprisingly my a1c has crept down to 9.2! Clearly what I’m doing is working. I might not be perfect but I want to hit 7 so badly so I’m trying to be! I’m doing everything that Dr. Peters tells me to. She can tell that I’m working really hard and this was the first appointment all year that she didn’t have to adjust my settings all that much. She just told me to make sure that I bolus for carbs at every meal (sometimes I forget, especially when working 13 hours a day for 6 days straight) and that I keep checking my sensor after I eat so I can correct it if it starts climbing too high.
I’ve found that I don’t even miss high carb snacks like cookies and brownies and cake all that much. I also don’t really eat bread anymore, and if I do it’s one slice with peanut butter or a half an English Muffin with breakfast. I don’t even crave pizza or pasta anymore. Yes it still smells really good and I’d be lying if I said that walking past a pizza place doesn’t make my mouth water, but I don’t need it. It makes me feel crappy and sick. Now I’m craving fruit and veggies and I’m turning into a bit of a health nut. Thank you to my wonderful wonderful husband for putting up with me.
I’m hoping that when I check my a1c in October, it will be in the low 8’s!