I had my monthly endo appointment yesterday and it was not good. My numbers were not good. I’ve been over 400 almost everyday for the last 3 weeks. It’s so discouraging. I mean I knew my sugars were going to be a little high. I’ve seen the readings on my sensor. I just didn’t think they were going to be that bad, and I don’t think Dr. Peters thought they were going to be that bad either. The main issue is that when my sugars are high and I administer a correction bolus it doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to, especially if my Blood Sugar is over 400. I need to not only correct, but check to make sure my correction is working one hour or two hours later. If not I need to use the syringe I carry around with my and give myself a correction that way.
I’m still working hard to bring my a1c down despite what my numbers look like. Work has been hectic to say the least and I hate using that as an excuse, but it’s totally valid. My schedule’s all over the place, my meals are all over the place, I’m all over the place. I need to take a step back and figure out why I’m apparently trying to sabotage my progress. It’s almost like I had such a great appointment last month that subconsciously I started reverting back to my old habits. Only I didn’t feel like I was reverting back to my old habits. I’m still bolusing, I’m still correcting, just not as much as I need to. It’s almost like I’m in denial every time my Blood Sugar hits 300+. I hate seeing those high numbers, I feel terrible and frustrated and like a complete failure when it doesn’t come down.
There are a few things I need to do to get back on track. First I’d really like to talk to a therapist so that I can try and break through this mental barrier that’s preventing me from taking full control over my disease. I’m making strides and almost there, but I still have a lot of work to do. I have no problem talking to someone. I used to meet with a therapist once a month in high school and it really helped me. I also am vowing to make full meal plans every week for the next month. If I know exactly what I’m eating I should know how many carbs to count for. I’m going grocery shopping after work today with my list of recipes and my husband (he keeps me on track!). I’m also going to talk to my boss about working on a more structured schedule. Not the same exact time everyday, obviously I need to be flexible, but if I can develop a routine that I think that will really help me.